Attitude of Gratitude

It would be nice if my book sold a million copies. The thought, however far out it is, has crossed my mind. Thankfully, I have many family members and friends who keep me grounded. I definitely have had momentary "delusions of grandeur" (thank you Wicked for the inspiration). 

Coming back to reality, my novel probably won't sell more than a handful of copies. I will probably not be a household name, either.  Surprisingly, the closer I get to publishing, the more content I become with this. 

First off, I never want writing to be my job. Don't get me wrong, I love having it as a hobby. I love running with (you can read this as obsessing about) my latest idea, no matter how crazy (cliche) it is. I'm not doing this to make money (even if it is a dream in the back of my mind). I'm doing this because I felt that I had a story to tell. That story developed into Carousel of Questions, which I hope can one day help someone balance their faith and LGBT identity (who knows, it may reach people beyond that). 

Second, I don't think I'm ready for any sort of fame, fortune, or public recognition. I know my ego can get out of hand. I know I can get caught up in superficial things, especially cars. If I ever become famous, I want to be like Robin Roberts or Ellen DeGeneres. I want to always be smiling, help others as much as I can, and inspire people to be the best version of themselves. Cheesy, yes. But that is how I would like it to be. I don't want to face the same pitfalls of many child or young adult celebrities. (Real talk, if you know how J.K. Rowling or any of the Harry Potter cast stayed humble, I would love to let in on the secret). 

Third, I don't want this to be a dream that explodes into reality only to quickly fizzle out. I have loved every step of the journey in writing Carousel of Questions. I honestly don't want it to be over. I don't want to lose sight of how it felt to be sitting at my computer bleeding (thank you Ernest Hemingway). I loved learning more about myself, and I know there is still so much to figure out. I have loved the conversations I've had with complete strangers. I've loved the sense of accomplishment I felt upon finishing my first draft. Simultaneously, I loved the frustration of realizing it was crap and going through it again (then repeating the same process of accomplishment, frustration, and revision over and over again until now).

All in all, I am super excited about the present reality. I'm that baby who has learned to crawl and is so ecstatic. I don't yet realize all the joy that is to come when I learn to walk, or run, or even jump. I'm so grateful for all of you who have supported me along the way. 

Thank you!

JG